Thursday, September 21, 2017

The Letter: One Year Later

"Let's make sure we have someone escort Britney into the newsroom the next couple of mornings.."

That's an excerpt from an e-mail one of our station managers sent out one year ago, that followed my decision to "go public" about a deeply hurtful viewer letter I received.

I knew sharing it could go three very different ways:
1) No one would care
2) People would care
3) People would disagree with me and be angry

If there were ever any threats, I didn't see or hear them.

But some nasty comments did follow.

It had also only been a few months since I met with the Lake Charles Police Department after my vehicle had been egged, over who knows what.

I didn't know if I could expect something like that again or worse.

But you know what, I truly didn't care.

Someone had crossed the line with indefensible words about my son, words that still create a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


"Give back the little black boy while you have a chance."

I felt anger. 

Hurt.

Sadness.

This "concerned viewer" had sent a card to the station to encourage me to "give back the little black boy," my one-year-old son, while I still had a chance.


The handwritten card went on to detail the concerns, such as him being a "breed" because of his skin color - and ultimately that in keeping him, my white daughters would be at risk of being raped by him one day.


Even all these months later, it's hard to type out those words.

I let them sink in for a couple of days.

I let them bother me - and honestly, I felt them start to sour me.

There were insecurities I had buried that suddenly rose to the surface about whether or not Matt and I truly were the best parents James could have.


What many people might not know is that we were still in a "placement period" with James. We were three months away from his adoption through foster care being finalized and there was a chance he could be removed from our home - or we could tell our caseworkers that he would thrive more with someone else.

Would he be better in a home with parents and siblings of the same race? 

Is he going to have an invisible target on his back in today's society because of our family dynamics?

Are we enough for him?

As a therapy of sorts, I sat at this very keyboard and started typing...

When I typed out this post last year, I didn't really think anyone would take the time to read it.

Still, it was healing to me to put my words out there in the universe, to shine light in the dark shadows of the painful words that had been sent my way.

Then, something happened, yall...

Something big and incredible - and I can't think about it without my eyes filling with tears.


People cared.

They reached out.

They sent kind cards.

Entire schools wrote notes and even drew pictures of my family.


They talked down racism and talked up acceptance, diversity, and love.

They did this by the thousands.

Within just a couple of days of publishing my blog post last year, it was read, shared, or clicked on over one million times.

The attention one little piece of my heart garnered was overwhelming, but it was the outpouring of support that taught me so much - and ultimately changed my life:

We are more similar than we are different.

Our backgrounds might be different.

Our skin color might be different.

Our interests probably span around this globe and back again.

But our similarities win.

We are human.

We have feelings.

We love fiercely.

We ultimately want to leave our world a better place.

We need each other.

There are things I cannot offer my son, that other people can.

One example: I am still learning how to style James's beautiful, tight curls.

The first time I showed up at an African-American barbershop, I stepped into a world I couldn't believe I was just experiencing for the first time!

It was a party! There was a table with older men playing card games. There was food for the taking. Football was on the TV.


And, the barber said something that made me feel so encouraged about James's experiences in the years to come:

"I want this young man to learn to play spades here with us," he told me.

I want that, too.

I want men of color to be willing to invest their lives in my son, because it will make him better. 

And I want women of color who will love on my white daughters as I love on their kids, too.

We need to live out the fact that racism is not natural. It is learned. We must stop it.

We can share so much across racial lines if we just take a moment to give a bit of ourselves to others.

We must talk about improving race relations.

The Letter  opened up the door for dialogue with strangers that I now call friends.

It brought hugs in grocery store aisles and unexpected tears from people who have lived out a similar scenario.

I even got a second letter that I can only guess was from the original sender. It was short, but the words "I'm sorry" were part of it.

I imagine the sender was an older woman - someone who grew up in a very different time and with very different values.

Maybe she is someone's grandma.

Nothing makes my heart soar more these days than images like this: seeing my grandma embrace her great-grandson who became part of our family in such an unexpected way.


Every time she holds him, she rubs his arms and says, "Your skin is just so beautiful."

It is - and so is the picture of love across generations.

Still, this year has also caused me to look at our world a little differently.

I realize just how "white" our family experiences can be at times.


Sometimes it's not until I look back through photos that I realize James is the only black child at a big event.

Or we're tearing up the dance floor at one of our favorite restaurants and I notice he's the only black person in the entire building.


At two years old, he is too young to notice something like that now.

My family will have to be more intentional about diversifying where we eat, where we shop, and the events we attend.

We need to make sure that we are supporting places that will welcome a 22-year-old James today just as they would welcome a two-year-old James.

My hope is that one day soon, we have a better reflection of  community.  That it is a true place of fellowship and connection - where our lives are richer because of the differences we can celebrate - and the commonalities that weave us together.

I love this quote from author, L.R. Knost:

"It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless."


That's a task we are committed to seeing through.

-Britney





15 comments:

  1. You have a beautiful family and may God continue to bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so inspiring!!! Glad I ran across your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are such a blessing to our community. Your love, faith and grace is inspiring and not seen nearby enough in today's world. Thank you for sharing your life with the world. Your words are powerful and thought provoking.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I started reading this with sad tears in my eyes, then ended with happy tears.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BRITNEY,YOU AND MATT ARE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB IN RAISING YOUR FAMILY.DON'T LET THE WORLD DESPAIR YOU.GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.YOU HAVE A GOOD HEART AND JAMES IS YOUR SON.THOSE WORDS SHOULD MAKE YOUR HEART BEAT EVEN FASTER.YOU HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.THIS IS 2017 AND THINGS CHANGE,PEOPLE CHANGE AND WE AS ADULTS HAVE TO STRIVE TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR OUR CHILDREN AND EACH OTHER.THOUGH FAITH THIS WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello Britney, I do remember commenting on one of those FB hurtful posts. I am always excited to see what's going on in your blended family. Just think if there were more families like yours that sees a child first and not their skin color or predestine their future because of it there would be no children without families. Period. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Beautiful post, Britney! Thank you for everything you do!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I enjoyed reading your blog. I'm sorry that you and your family had gone thru that. You're an inspiration to all and such a loving person. Godd bless you and your amazing family.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had tears in my eyes reading this.. as the mother of two amazing adopted children, I can tell you that some people just don't get it.. love has nothing to do with color..race..or even perfection.. if have loved my children just as mich of they were green and had three legs.. love is very simply about love.. my kids were a gift.. the beat gift ever.. if I had a dime foe every stupid hurtful thing said.. my two could probably pay foe collage..things like... "what are you going to do with these two when you have kids of your own". Or "its impossible to love an adopted child like you would love your own child ". Or while we were waiting on them to be born.." what if the daddy is black".. he may be..we never asked..
    I could feel the love that you have for James in your blog.. and i know GOD chose you for a reason..
    God Bless you and your sweet family..

    ReplyDelete
  10. I remember that first letter....it made me cry that someone would be so cruel....bless your little family...you are wonderful Britney💜✨

    ReplyDelete
  11. God bless you and your family! Thank you sharing with us!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Britney - You and Matt are wonderful people with a beautiful family. I am happy I had the opportunity to work with you. I wish you and yours all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Brittney, I love you and your husband!!! Not because I'm a woman of color and you adopted a beautiful child of color, but because you guys stand for what you believe in and when things get edgy, you rely more on your religious beliefs, than what others think. God bless your family!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beautiful . . . and while the world can be cruel and heartless, yes, teach them to make it less . . . but I do think you have to prepare them for people who, for some awful reason, don't see it that way. But, definitely teach them not to be that way and to be loving and accepting.

    ReplyDelete