Bringing Home Baby: my biggest and toughest lesson

I adore being a mom.

I love holding my baby girl.  I love kissing her dozens of times a day.  I love her little noises.  I love the different faces she makes.  I love when she wraps her tiny fingers around mine.

Lila Rose has made my heart mush.

The first few weeks with her are a blur.

Sure...everyone told me to expect that, but I did not realize how true their warnings would be until I was snapping Lila's one month pictures on the floor of her nursery.

I felt sadness.  I felt guilt.

Where did the time go?

When I think back to the first month, it's a rush of visitors, nursing, pumping, logging dirty diapers, documenting the length of each nap, swaddling, unswaddling, rocking, bouncing, worrying about her weight, worrying about my weight, writing thank you cards...and going, going, going!

I would have classical music playing in the house while Lila stared at me - attempting to engage her on her play mat.  "This is an elephant.  These are blue polka dots," I would say aloud.

Next it was off to a walk around the neighborhood, or to the swing with a colorful mobile twirling overhead, then to tummy time, reading, nap time, feeding, rinse, wash, repeat...

I was super-engaged, super-charged and super-distracted by everything I was doing to try to be a super first-time mom.

Guess what, though?  When I stared down at my one-month-old during our amateur photo shoot, readjusting her headband and onesie for the "perfect" shot, something hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed to learn to be still.

Be still.

"Be still?" I thought.  I don't have time for that!  After all, I have memories to make...

And that's just where I got a bit off balanced.

In the rush of trying to achieve my own version of motherhood success, I was running a race with no finish line, keeping up a crazy pace, and missing out on the beauty of the mess around me.

So there I was, sitting on the floor of the nursery, and I found myself taking off Lila's little outfit.

With her in her diaper and tears rolling down my cheeks, I let my fingers touch her baby soft skin.  I felt her chubby little rolls and played with her hair.  I kissed all over her face, fingers and toes.

I sat in the stillness and took her in for what felt like the first time.

Why hadn't I allowed myself that moment before?  It certainly was not my intention to miss out on anything - in fact, I was doing everything in my power to appreciate the significance of every moment during that blurry first month.

But I did not realize how easy it was to become distracted in that process.

When Lila would make a cute face, my default reaction was to grab my phone to capture it.  I'd turn away, get the phone, focus the camera, then guess what?!  No more cutesy face:(  I only enjoyed it for a split-second because of my attempt to enjoy it more later.

I can also think back to long nursing sessions in the middle of the night and reading more "What to Expect" than one should be allowed as Lila filled her tummy.  Why couldn't I just hold her and let that be enough?

Let me tell ya - it is enough now.

I have not cooked a meal in a while.  I need to go to the gym.  I have not been to the grocery store in weeks.  I am way behind on thank you cards and returning phone calls.

But I'm okay with that.

In the stillness, I've fallen madly in love with every adorable ounce of my little girl.  In the stillness, I've come to appreciate and respect my husband more than I would have thought possible.  In the stillness, I feel that peace that passes all understanding.

I understand why we are told in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."

When our lives are so noisy, it's hard to hear from our Heavenly Father and be in tune with His Spirit.

Similar to my good intentions in being an all-star mom, we busy up our lives with work, service opportunities, ministries, and activities in the name of a greater purpose - but are we creating so much chaos that we miss the very calling right in front of us?

The brakes are part of a car for a reason.  For me, it has taken the brakes and "park" to get to the point of savoring this season of life.

And it's pretty darn sweet...

-Britney

The day I found out I was pregnant

Let me preface this post by stating that I am not a strong believer in coincidences.  I believe in divine appointments and divine intervention.  

I will clarify, though, that I see coincidences in minor things, like coordinating colors with my co-anchors on the same day - or going to a restaurant for a specific item and seeing that it is the daily special.

Sure...that's coincidental. 

Then there are life events that are undoubtedly orchestrated by God that reaffirm our faith and our purpose.

When Matt and I decided that we were "ready" (whatever that means!) to have a child in the fall of 2013, I truly thought that it would not take more than a couple of months to find out I was pregnant.  Heck, we were both healthy, active, young-ish, and had no reason to think otherwise.

Add in my Type A personality, and you best believe that I had ovulation kits, thermometers, apps, and a plan.  It was going to happen...fast.

Then it didn't.  While it did not take years, it took several months - long, disappointing months.

I was neurotic about taking pregnancy tests days before I would have even been able to see two pink lines.  After the first two months, I had already depleted whatever budget we might have envisioned for pregnancy tests.  That led to bulk purchases of what I called "science experiments" (much more complicated than peeing on a stick) from the Dollar Tree to satisfy my testing fervor, $1 at a time.  

Winter passed, spring came, and 25+ science experiments only continued to confirm that I was still not pregnant.

Every evening, Matt and I would pray together about a pregnancy.  I would say words and want to mean them, like, "If it's your will, God," and "In your timing," mixed with, "I surrender this to you..." 

But no matter how much I wanted those words to reflect the feelings in my heart, they were empty as I was focused on myself and what I thought the best plan would be.

Still, we prayed.  

"The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."  Romans 8:26

It was in March 2014 that Matt and I started talking much more seriously about adoption.  We were both still confident that we would have biological children one day, but started wondering if this delay was meant for us to pursue adoption first.  I have always felt an equal desire to carry a child biologically and to adopt.

Maybe that was the answer.

We got the wheels in motion by completing the orientation with the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), enrolling in the next round of MAPP classes (part of the certification process) and talking about this option with family and friends.

Then something happened inside of me.  No, not a baby growing:)  Instead it was an idea and conversation about children in need that turned into a conviction.  I knew that if I did not pursue this path, that we were being blatantly disobedient in God's call to care for orphans/parentless children.

The conviction for these kiddos is not something that I could turn off in my professional life.  I met with my news director about launching a new adoption segment and found a new energy and joy with my career that I had never experienced.  Work was not work, it was a mission.  

Here's an excerpt from a March e-mail to the DCFS office about the idea for the segment:

"I can’t think of anything that would be more fulfilling using this media platform than to connect a child with a mom, dad or family. I definitely understand that there are limitations in the information that we can share and assure you it will be treated with extra sensitivity and the sole purpose of using TV as a service.

Who do I need to speak to in order to get moving in the right direction?

I really appreciate your help and hope that we can further a partnership that makes a positive impact on this community."

Since then, we have formed a fabulous partnership and I am thrilled that several of the children we featured since the segment debuted last May are now in adoptive placements or in the final stages to be placed with a family.

So what does this have to do with pregnancy?  I'm getting there:)

By the time May rolled around, I felt different.  I could pray and say the word, "surrender," and actually mean it.  I could see other people around me and not be so focused on what had caused me to live life with blinders for several months.

On May 29, I had a work day to look forward to - I was set to have a girly day at Club Tabby with a foster child hoping to be adopted.  Her name was Danielle and we snapped this picture before parting ways that day. 

I rushed back to the office after spending twice as long on the interview as I had anticipated and then hopped in my car, stomach growling and pulled into the Wendy's on Lake Street - ordering a salad I never got to eat.

It was on this day that I am so grateful my eyes were open to someone other than myself, because I saw a family in desperate need across the street at a bus stop and felt God's presence, telling me to do something.

The next morning, I wrote about the events that unfolded with this mother and her three children in a post entitled, "Turn around and do something."  I had been deeply moved by the community stepping in so fast to meet the needs of strangers who had been homeless the day before.

May 30 was the date and I can remember feeling absolutely overcome with emotions as people shared the blog, then offered food, beds, couches, and money to help this family.  

When I got home from checking in on my new friends that afternoon, it dawned on me that May 30 was the day I could start up another round of pregnancy tests.

On this day and for the first time ever, it was positive.    

Maybe some won't see any sort of connection between the struggle, the stress, the adoption heart change, the family in need, and the pregnancy.

For me, though, I can see God's hand in every detail - working on my heart and the unveiling of my eyes to so much more.  

I learned first-hand that when we are obedient, it is impossible to not see God's faithfulness.

We are now days away from having our first child, officially certified to adopt our next child, and still in touch with the sweet family I met at a bus stop on a hot afternoon in May.

As Matt and I embark on our biggest adventure yet - welcoming a baby girl this week - I hold onto God's promises that always ring true.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9

-Britney

A blog worth following

The online world can be a blessing and a curse.  It can lift you up or pull you down.

When we are looking for answers or support, social media can connect you with people you might not ever meet - but you know that there is a kindred spirit on the other side of the e-universe.

One of those people for me is Shelley Skuster, a former TV reporter at KWWL in Iowa (not I-O-Way, the Louisiana town!).

A former colleague of mine at KCEN in Waco began working at KWWL and I noticed Shelley on her page one day.  What stuck out to me was that part of her professional bio included an adoption blog.

That intrigued me because I had just started navigating the best way to utilize my on air role in a way that could raise awareness about the need for adoptive families in our community.  I was (still am) pretty obsessed with the issue and really wanted to find support from someone who had "been there, done that."

On the personal side: Matt and I had just enrolled in classes to get certified to adopt through foster care.  I was yearning for the personal and professional opinion of how to share this passion with others, while also being transparent about this real life chapter in our marriage and family-building dream.

As soon as I clicked on Shelley's blog, I realized she was living it out and reaching people near and far on her blog, "This Family's Journey."

Yall...I read every single post in one tear-filled day!  Shelley and her husband, Chris, have been open about the pain of infertility, their decision to adopt, the hurdles/stress/money needed to get through the process, and their journey as a transracial family.

Her words will touch your heart and hopefully open your eyes even wider to the fact that love, not blood makes a family.

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind for the Skuster family.  Shortly after the rush of the holiday season, the couple got an unexpected facebook message about a baby girl needing a home.

What would you do if you didn't have a crib, car seat, diapers...or hint of an idea that your family of three would grow into a family of four within a couple of short days?  Heck, it's taken me nearly the entire nine months of my pregnancy to ready our home, our jobs, and our minds for one planned addition!

This couple said YES in a big way to love and raise another beautiful daughter, born in their hearts even before they knew she existed.  Check out how the Skusters are being obedient in the call to care for the fatherless and trust that His ways are always higher than ours.

-Britney

The downfall of sibling groups...

Today is my brother's birthday.  I had just turned five years old the week before Brady was born and one of my earliest memories is his birth.

I woke up to the smell of pancakes filling the house and was excited to see my Great Uncle Jake in the kitchen cooking his famous "silver dollar pancakes."  His presence there also meant that the time had come to get a new brother or sister.

My sister, Courtney, and I were taken to the hospital with our sloppy ponytails and mismatched clothes to meet our new sibling.  And that was it.  The beginning of an automatic, understood bond that forms between siblings.

The differences between the three of us were/are...very different!  But the similarities we share carry on to this day from what we find funny to our mannerisms, impressions of our dad, appreciation for growing up in a simple, but fulfilling way - and the value of family.

Over the past two years, the birthday boy has married both of his sisters.  By married, I mean performed the beautiful ceremonies and reading of the vows:)

Now, all three siblings - me, Courtney and Brady's wife (Brittney) - have babies on the way at the same time.

I cannot imagine a life without my brother and sister.  If I try to delete them from childhood memories and experiences, then those special moments that still make me smile no longer have significance.

But there are some brothers and sisters who shared lives together - only to be separated.  

For children who end up in foster care, this separation is because of neglect or abuse by the people they trust most, yet those adults rattled the lives and stability of their innocent children.

When I received notification in October of who I would be featuring for November's "The New Family Tree" adoption story on KPLC-TV, my heart sank.  For the first time since I started doing the segment, the Department of Children and Family Services wanted me to feature a sibling group.  Not two children, not three...four children, living in separate homes for more than two years, but hoping to be adopted together.

That's not all...they range in age from seven to 12 years old.  There are three boys and one girl, and they are African-American.  Should that matter?  Absolutely not.  But it does when it comes to adoption through foster care.

Age, race and gender are the biggest factors for people when choosing a child to be matched with in adoption.  That trifecta - combined with this being a large sibling group - concerned me that a feature segment with the four could lead to dashed hopes of being adopted together.

One child is a huge responsibility for someone to consider bringing into a home.  Two, three...four.  That's a very special person with a special calling!

For the past two years, the four siblings have been living in separate foster homes.  Fortunately, the older two were placed together and the younger two were placed together.  However, the four only see each other a few times a year.  That is missed birthdays, missed Christmases and Thanksgivings.  There are missed days, weeks and months to experience life together.

When I watched the four reunite for our filming day, I had to choke back the tears.  Dontae, the oldest and softest spoken sibling quietly commented on how tall his brother Leon had grown.  Then I watched Delores touch her youngest brother's face and ask if he has always had a specific mark near his eye.  Then they asked about school and who picked out their outfits for the day.

12-year-old Dontae

Nine-year-old Delores

Eight-year-old Leon

Seven-year-old Hakeem

As a reporter, you are always encouraged to dive as deeply as you can with the person you are interviewing.  Find the emotion.  Let the raw feelings show.  But there is something about interviewing these children in their most vulnerable moments that keeps me from going too deep.

Maybe I do not want to really hear the pain in their voices.  Maybe I do not want to think back to the last time they were all together in one home likely being a traumatic day where state workers came in to bring them to temporary homes.  Maybe it is that I do not want to know what it is really like to be away from the people I love the most and never took advantage of me: my siblings. 

I have been praying for these three brothers and one sister since I met them.  I have also prayed specifically for the mom and dad who would adopt them together.

But the downfall of a sibling group in foster care is that it is oftentimes just too much.  

Each child can be adopted individually.  Someone might just want a daughter, like Delores.  Someone might just want a young boy, like Hakeem.  Or maybe an adoptive parent is interested in a boy who wants to be a cowboy and loves country music, like Leon.  Then there could be someone who feels called to adopt an older child, like Dontae.

While the adoption of any of these children would be deemed a step in the right direction for the child's future to be more stable, I pray that the number of siblings in this group does not lead to them spending even more years in foster care.

I think about my brother and sister and how differently we might have turned out if we had been raised in different homes.  It is unimaginable.

There has to be a mom and dad out there willing to say, "Yes, a sibling group would be a big adjustment, but we have the love to share."  You will undoubtedly get it in return - multiplied by four:)

Britney

Click here to watch the KPLC-TV story featuring the four siblings.

A little less talk and a lot more action

Okay, I'm not intentionally quoting a Toby Keith country song in the title of this blog.  I did, however, go back and forth between those lyrics stuck in my head for this post and Gavin Degraw's "Follow Through!"

They both get the point across that a lot of times we talk about things that matter to us, but we don't act, follow through and make it happen!

So what am I talking about?  If you follow many of my posts, you probably know the issue at hand is the critical need for adoptive parents.

It has been almost six months since a months-long courting relationship with the Department of Children & Family Services (and pleading my case to my bosses) resulted in a regular segment on KPLC-TV featuring local children who are ready to be adopted today.

I introduced you to Ke'vontre in May: 

Next it was Tyrene:

Then Danielle in June:

Darrell in July: 

Deniro in August:

Tyrese in September:

And D'Janae in October:

Guess what?!  After every segment, case workers at the DCFS office in Lake Charles have told me that the phones ring...a lot!

I could also track the number of views on www.kplctv.com for each story - and they were in the thousands!

I know that people's hearts are being pricked about this topic.  I have talked to friends and people in the community who have shared their new burden about parentless children with tears running down their cheeks.

These kids are real.  Their emotion is raw.  Their need is right in front of us...and we're still not doing enough.

Why the blunt statement?  Because these kids and the 60 others in Southwest Louisiana legally ready to be adopted today are still living life in limbo.  

There is the immediate surge of attention...and hope...when the phones ring, but adopting a child requires much more than a phone call.

First: recognize that you might not get called back in a timely fashion.  DCFS workers are overloaded.  Don't get discouraged if you have to pick up the phone a couple of times to get through.  Don't consider it a sign from God if your call is not returned.  The office is busy.  They will get back with you.  Call.  Call again.  Heck, by my third attempt in trying to talk to a home development specialist, my hands weren't sweaty anymore!  My voice was no longer shaky!  I was ready to get down to business and when we finally connected, everything started falling into place.

Second: you have to go through orientation to adopt through foster care.  I asked so many questions on the phone that it counted as orientation!  You could try that method:)  If you have to go to a one night meeting, don't look at it as an inconvenience.  Think about the other people in the exact same boat as you: all taking one of the scariest, bravest, most selfless steps in life.

Third: MAPP classes are a must.  What are these courses?  They are required by every person wanting to get certified to be a foster/adoptive parent.  It is a dual certification that also includes three home visits, background checks and references.  You will become a certified foster home and you will be certified to adopt.  The classes might seem like a long commitment (seven evenings of three hour courses or four Saturday courses of six hour courses), but they are critical in understanding why kids end up in care.  Plus, you'll meet some fabulous people and DCFS staffers in the process.

When Matt and I took part in the MAPP classes this summer, I was thrilled to learn that the classes had record attendance.  I met several people who were there because The New Family Tree features on KPLC opened a conversation in their home that led them to act.  There were also people there hoping to adopt one of the specific children featured.  

But, not everyone followed through.  There was a lot of talk, but even more action was needed.

I'll tell you what my biggest fear is in doing the interview segments featuring children ready to be adopted.  That their hopes are dashed.  That they choke back tears in their interview in order to seem brave to a potential mom or dad, but they have to endure another letdown.

If you are teetering on the idea of pursuing adoption, please consider what's at stake.  A child - bouncing between foster homes and never having a true sense of family.  A pre-teen - lacking a mom or dad to guide them into adulthood.  A teenager - scared about being on his or her own entirely at age 18 without a family base during the holidays and life events.

I am going to once again share the verses at the heart of this issue and pray for more people to follow through and act.

Luke 10:2:  The harvest is great, but the workers are few.  So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields. 

James 1:27:  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

-Britney

Pricks, prods and pee cups

I have to admit that when I imagined what pregnancy would be like, I envisioned being able to exhale in a swimsuit, wear stretchy maternity jeans and bask in the "glow" while I awaited my bundle of joy.

Sure the realist in me recognized the threat of cankles, stretch marks, morning (all day) sickness, mood swings, etc...but I was much more consumed by the baby bliss that was to come.

Then I saw two pink lines on the test.  I suddenly started thinking, "Did I take my folic acid every day for the past few months," "how many diet cokes have I consumed in recent days," "do I have remnants of last week's migraine pill in my blood stream?"

Suddenly you realize your body is serving a much greater purpose and yesterday's worries are definitely not the same as today's.

After a couple of days of processing the numerous positive pregnancy tests, a different set of concerns started creeping into my mind.  What if something is wrong with the baby?  Do I want to know that in advance?

As I've mentioned in a previous blog post, my job is a blessing and a curse with information overload.  I have had the privilege of getting to know families whose children have Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, Batten's disease, Cloverleaf syndrome, Duchenne muscular dystrophy, Neurofibromatosis Type 1, pediatric pulmonary hypertension, Cardiofaciocutaneous syndrome, Erdheim-Chester disease, Friedreich's Ataxia, Apert's syndrome, Alfi's syndrome and Adrenoleukodystrophy.

All of these families are forever imprinted on my heart.  They did not know what God had in store for their children and their family lives, but they walked and continue to walk bravely with faith every step of the way.

They believe in the same scripture I do in Psalm 139:14: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I know most babies are born healthy.  I also know that regardless of the health of the baby, Matt and I would not ever consider abortion and that we would love the child just the same.

One thing I have learned, though, is that medical technology and early intervention can dramatically increase the survivability and positive outcomes for babies who have early health issues.  Some of these issues cannot be detected through the three ultrasounds administered during a pregnancy and parents can be shocked on delivery day to be handed their beloved child who needs immediate medical intervention to survive - or a very different care plan than a typical daycare or in home arrangement.

Buckle in for the pricks, prods and pee cups...

My first doctor's visit in the pregnancy quickly taught me not to potty before going to the appointment.  Urine samples are collected at every visit, testing for sugar (gestational diabetes), protein (urinary tract infections/kidney damage/preeclampsia), ketones and blood cells or bacteria.  These findings are about the mom's health, not the baby's.

I hate needles and was not amused that the first pre-natal appointment also required seven tubes of blood from an arm draw - after I had just forced a potty session on an empty bladder.  Oh, and then five of the tubes didn't get processed correctly so I got to give those again: 12 tubes of blood:)

This blood work determines your blood type, Rh factor, glucose/iron/hemoglobin levels, STDs, Rubella protection and toxoplasmosis infection.  Huh?  Yep, that's what I thought...but in a nutshell, this is still all about what's happening in your bloodstream and whether or not that could threaten your developing baby.

Determining if there is something of concern with the baby requires a different set of tests.  Most people are familiar with the triple/quad screen and amniocentesis.  Something that was news to me, though, is that talking about these screenings is way more sensitive than talking about breastfeeding vs. formula or working inside the home vs. an outside career.  Who knew?

I do now and that's why I want to talk about it...

I knew the line I did not want to cross when it came to getting the most information as possible about the health of my baby.  I am a planner and knew that if there was a way I could have a plan in place for a baby with special needs, that I have the tools to get that going as soon as I could.

The idea of an invasive screening was not something I was comfortable with unless my doctor truly believed that it was the only means to get information that could affect the outcome of the pregnancy.

My doctor is quite possibly one of the most conservative, faith-based OB/GYNs in the area.  He has Christian music playing in each room of the office, does not prescribe birth control and definitely sees every baby as a miracle from God.

I appreciate his strong convictions and know that he sees my baby - from blueberry to watermelon-sized - as a human being made with purpose by a great Creator.

I knew by my third appointment at 17 weeks that if I wanted to have any screenings other than the standard urine/blood samples that I would have to ask for it.  That is exactly what I did one month ago in requesting the quad screen.

If you're unfamiliar with the quad screen, here's what it looks for: AFP (protein produced by the baby), hCG (hormone produced by the placenta), Estriol (estrogen produced by the baby and placenta) and Inhibin-A (protein produced by the placenta and ovaries).

The levels of each of these proteins or hormones is measured to assess your risk for carrying a baby with Trisomy 18, Trisomy 21, neural tube defects, spina bifida and anencephaly.

I knew this screening has a reported false positive rate around 5%.  So, I reasoned there is a 95% chance that if there is a problem, it will be flagged and I will move on to the next step if that is the case.

10 days passed and my cell phone rang one morning while I was editing a health piece (about a sick child...ahhh!) at work.  When I heard my doctor's voice I felt my heart begin to pound.  I knew he would only call if there was a problem.

My results were normal except for my risk for Down syndrome.  The ratio the screening showed was that I was at a four to five times higher risk for my baby having Down syndrome.  While the results were just a screening for the risk, I could not help but ask why my numbers would be off and what can I do to get an answer.

I had three options: do nothing and see if anything is evident in my anatomy ultrasound at 21 weeks, meet with a perinatologist (high risk pregnancy doctor) for an involved ultrasound and amniocentesis, and a new option not many women know about - have another blood draw from my arm to have specific genes analyzed.

Options one and two were not options for me and Matt.  Option three is something that could have been done when I was 10 weeks pregnant, but my insurance would not cover it unless the doctor deemed there was a medical reason to do it.

I now had a reason and I rolled up my sleeve for two more tubes of blood to be sent off to a lab in California for the MaterniT21 test.  It reports positive or negative results for Trisomy 21, 18 and 13.  Other fetal chromosomal abnormalities are reported as an "additional finding."

I was told it could take up to two weeks for the results to come in.  Ugh.  Talk about throwing concerns over my pregnancy weight gain, gender of the baby and the zit on my face out the window!  Matt and I prayed...and prayed to be prepared to accept the results - good or bad.  Our friends and family were super supportive and we are so appreciative of their prayers, as well.

During this wait time between my doctor's call, the blood draw later that day and waiting for results, I reached out to different moms to see if they had walked this path before.  The response was typically, "No, I didn't do the screenings because it would not have changed the pregnancy outcome."

I 100% respect that decision.  My struggle was that it wasn't going to change my pregnancy outcome either.  It was about becoming an advocate for our baby's health prior to the baby arriving and preparing ourselves to be the best parents for this child.

Waiting for the results was no fun.  After a few days I ended up calling my doctor's office to see about moving up the anatomy ultrasound that could detect soft markers for genetic defects and they agreed to see me the next week.

While Matt and I were waiting for the doctor to see us, he popped his head in the door and said, "I was just given your test results and wanted to let you know that everything looks good!  I'll see you in a minute after I wrap up with another patient."  Praise. The. Lord.

Once the doctor got inside, he explained the MaterniT21 results.

It's still considered a screening, not a definitive diagnosis, so amniocentesis was once again offered.  We did not see the need for amniocentesis, as these results are shown to be close to 100% accurate.

We also learned that we are definitely having a baby girl!

I hope that another mom-to-be out there can glean some information from my experience.  Had I known what I know now, I would have skipped the quad screen altogether and paid the out-of-pocket cost for the MaterniT21 test.  My insurance dropped it to $200, but I found out after the fact that the manufacturer of the test offers it at a low cost, typically not exceeding $300.

My belief is that some of the more conservative medical professionals do not offer it as a standard for mommy planners (like myself) because it could potentially lead to an early pregnancy termination if the results are not what the parents-to-be are expecting.

When I talked to my sister-in-law who bravely shared her experience in carrying and burying a baby girl with Trisomy 18, she encouraged me the most by saying, "Don't worry about the questions from others.  You're doing what you think is best and you're advocating for your little girl."

I don't regret for one second going through the screenings just to learn that everything came back fine.  This experience bonded me with Lila Rose in an even deeper way as I prayed for her more than ever, felt her move for the first time and got this ultrasound snapshot with a smile and wave the day we got our test results.  "Hey mom and dad!  I'm doing just fine in here!"

My heart goes out to the parents whose results are not what they expected.  As my sister-in-law told me in my time of fear, "Stop looking at the internet for answers and look at the Bible."  I pray these verses can encourage you if you are in a season of doubt or fear.

Deuteronomy 31:6: Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Isaiah 54:10: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Hebrews 13:6: So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear.  What can man do to me?"

To test or not to test?  That decision is deeply personal, but I know all of us who are pregnant or have been pregnant before want the same thing: the best life possible for our little ones.

-Britney

"As long as the baby's healthy..."

I am three weeks away from the ultrasound.  You know the one that you look forward to because you learn the gender, but the one that brings jello legs because it is the most extensive ultrasound in the pregnancy - looking at the major organs, the spine and potential problems in the baby's overall development.

It is no coincidence, in my opinion, that doctors have mixed the gender reveal (if a parent chooses it) with the shaky legs ultrasound.  I think it is their way of giving something to look forward to and distract us pregnant women from absolutely worrying about the whole experience.

Matt and I are so excited to learn if our first child is a girl or boy.  I am also hoping that in learning and sharing the gender with people who ask, I can put an end to an awkward comment that is made by well-wishers, but causes a twinge in my stomach!  

"As long as the baby's healthy," is the typical response that follows a comment from me stating that Matt and I don't have a preference over the baby being a girl or boy.  

The "As long as the baby's healthy," comment usually sparks a follow-up from me stating that "We will keep and love the baby regardless," which I've noticed causes a change in the facial expression of the well-wisher.

"Of course, you will," I can almost see in the other person's eyes.  I'm sure they would, too.  It's just the foundation of this response that causes that twinge - the thought that if the baby does not have the healthy outcome, we would not be equally dedicated and excited about parenting him or her.

My heightened sensitivity is definitely the result of a couple of personal experiences:
(1) Meeting several amazing children and their inspiring parents through my series at KPLC-TV called "Faces of Rare Disease."  
(2) The death of my niece, Callie, a precious baby diagnosed with Trisomy 18.

My sister-in-law, Stephanie, and her husband, Paul, have shown incredible courage and faith through the life and loss of their daughter.  Because of them, the prayer that Matt and I pray for our unborn child is that he/she has healthy growth and development in utero, but if  that is not what God has for this child, that we have the strength that only comes from Him to accept whatever outcome and use the experience to be the best parents we can be and grow closer to Him.

I am incredibly grateful for Stephanie and Paul's transparency about what it is like to love and grieve a child that was so wanted.  They agreed to share their thoughts in this post:

From Stephanie and Paul Londenberg:

Having a baby is a time full of JOY.  There are just no other words for it.  

Most everyone you meet is ecstatic to learn of continuation of life - of news that a little one is coming along.  Those of us who are parents and grandparents already know how special a time this is - how there is truly no greater love.  

Throughout the pregnancy, we “ooh” and “ahh” over the expecting parents, making the typical comments and asking all of the traditional questions....  

"How are you feeling?"
"When are/is you/your wife due?"
"Is this your first baby?"
"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

This usually grows into a discussion of how the mother is fine, how the family is excited and does not care if the baby a boy or a girl (most of the time).  And, someone usually chimes in, "Well...as long as it's healthy...."

As long as it's healthy....
Wait. What?? 

Everyone hopes that their baby is healthy - of course, they do!  

We lifted up the same prayer prior to our first son, Jonah, being born.  

But, what if the baby is not healthy?  What then?  Would you change the way you think about your child?  Would you do anything differently?   

Our family experienced this exact scenario when we faced the truth of having a child with serious medical needs just last year.  Early in our pregnancy, we learned our daughter, Callie, would more than likely not survive outside the womb.

We were elated to learn we were pregnant.  We found out on Valentine's Day and knew the gift of a child on that holiday would far outweigh flowers and chocolate, jewelry and date night.

Everything was going as planned.  I had some morning sickness, but felt fairly well otherwise.

Having endured a miscarriage six months earlier, my husband, Paul, and I decided to proceed with additional blood work offered by our doctor to detect chromosomal abnormalities, such as Down syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18, and as a bonus, to discover our baby’s gender.  

After two weeks of waiting, the results arrived, and we were contacted by our nurse.  I was on my toes ready for the gender reveal, but the nurse instead informed me,  “The doctor would like for you to come in, so that she can speak with you.”  

Getting that call took my breath away.  I immediately knew something was obviously wrong - and wrong enough to have to hear the news in her office.  

I phoned Paul, and we made a mad dash to the doctor's office.  “Please be healthy...please be healthy,” I remember hearing my heart silently pray.  

Being somewhat familiar with the statistics and the outcomes of Trisomy 13 and 18, I even begged God for a diagnosis of Down syndrome all the way to the hospital, knowing that Down syndrome would at least give our baby a chance at life with us.

But, that was not the case. 

Our Callie was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a life-threatening disorder.  Not healthy.  

I think I remember our physician defining it as “incompatible with life" and being very apologetic.  Seriously?  How can anyone be so certain?  Did "incompatible with life" mean there was no hope?  

As we digested the grave news over the coming weeks, we were offered options.  While Callie's chances of survival were extremely limited, the thought of terminating her little life never entered our minds - because she was our daughter, no matter what - and her disorder did not define her.  It was the way God created her. 

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  Psalm 139:13-15

In hindsight, we recall some people asking why we would not let her go sooner, implying the question of why we did not terminate our pregnancy following her diagnosis. 

Our answer is two-fold:
(1) Terminating any pregnancy is terminating a life.  That choice is not ours to make.
(2) There is always always always hope.  There is always a chance.  

It was not easy.  We argued with God.  A lot.  There was anger.  But He led us to the right people in our lives to help us make decisions as her parents.  

Paul and I, together, entered into parent mode early on and did everything we could for Callie.  We sought information from several specialists to make decisions about her care, because she was/is our daughter - because we would walk through fire for her, just as we would for her older brother.

Our final appointment with our pediatric cardiologist a month before our delivery confirmed the worst, that Callie would have difficulty sustaining life outside the womb without maximum assistance and with little hope for continuation of life.  

As strange as it may seem, this news brought us some peace to know that God truly revealed to us how to care for her with an amazing delivery team, friends, and family guiding us along the way. 

We were scheduled to deliver Callie on October 14, 2013 - the same day we had miscarried a child a year earlier.  But, God had a bigger plan....

Callie Elaine was born an angel on October 4, 2013.  

We learned her heart stopped beating the day before, during our regular prenatal appointment.  

Her birth was truly the most bittersweet moment in our lives, the closest we will ever be to Heaven on earth.  Nothing will top it.  We are happy to have met her and to have spent precious time with her, and she will forever be a part of our lives.

Almost a year later, Callie continues to be our inspiration.  Our hope is that her legacy lives in peoples' hearts.  

She has taught us more about life and love than we could ever imagine.  And, as parents and Christians, we would not have it any other way.  

We enjoyed Callie's physical presence as much as we were able while she was with us, spending our summer talking to her, going to the beach, visiting both grandparents’ houses (complete with cousins!), participating in Vacation Bible School with the “big kids,” playing dinosaurs and Legos with big brother too many times to count, camping, riding a Ferris wheel, going to the movies, walking the dog, shopping, reading books, eating donuts and ice cream (yes, together!), and even searching for alligators with Aunt Britney and Uncle Matt in Louisiana! Those memories are forever etched in our hearts.

One of our greatest lessons is this: when we decide to have children and to be parents, it is all or nothing - you are in it for the long haul, regardless of the outcome, whether your child is a baby with a genetic disorder, a child with cancer, a child prodigy, a difficult teenager, a Grammy nominated artist, or an adult with ALS.

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."  Ecclesiastes 11:5

As parents, do not be afraid of what lies ahead.  Callie brought us great JOY, just as her brother, Jonah, has.  

We miss her and grieve the life we would have had with her, but accept her as she was.

I hold on tightly to what Paul said to me the night of her birth - one child tucked in bed at home and the other watching from above: “Both of our children are exactly where they need to be.”

Pictures are courtesy of the Londenberg family and the 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization.