A little less talk and a lot more action

Okay, I'm not intentionally quoting a Toby Keith country song in the title of this blog.  I did, however, go back and forth between those lyrics stuck in my head for this post and Gavin Degraw's "Follow Through!"

They both get the point across that a lot of times we talk about things that matter to us, but we don't act, follow through and make it happen!

So what am I talking about?  If you follow many of my posts, you probably know the issue at hand is the critical need for adoptive parents.

It has been almost six months since a months-long courting relationship with the Department of Children & Family Services (and pleading my case to my bosses) resulted in a regular segment on KPLC-TV featuring local children who are ready to be adopted today.

I introduced you to Ke'vontre in May: 

Next it was Tyrene:

Then Danielle in June:

Darrell in July: 

Deniro in August:

Tyrese in September:

And D'Janae in October:

Guess what?!  After every segment, case workers at the DCFS office in Lake Charles have told me that the phones ring...a lot!

I could also track the number of views on www.kplctv.com for each story - and they were in the thousands!

I know that people's hearts are being pricked about this topic.  I have talked to friends and people in the community who have shared their new burden about parentless children with tears running down their cheeks.

These kids are real.  Their emotion is raw.  Their need is right in front of us...and we're still not doing enough.

Why the blunt statement?  Because these kids and the 60 others in Southwest Louisiana legally ready to be adopted today are still living life in limbo.  

There is the immediate surge of attention...and hope...when the phones ring, but adopting a child requires much more than a phone call.

First: recognize that you might not get called back in a timely fashion.  DCFS workers are overloaded.  Don't get discouraged if you have to pick up the phone a couple of times to get through.  Don't consider it a sign from God if your call is not returned.  The office is busy.  They will get back with you.  Call.  Call again.  Heck, by my third attempt in trying to talk to a home development specialist, my hands weren't sweaty anymore!  My voice was no longer shaky!  I was ready to get down to business and when we finally connected, everything started falling into place.

Second: you have to go through orientation to adopt through foster care.  I asked so many questions on the phone that it counted as orientation!  You could try that method:)  If you have to go to a one night meeting, don't look at it as an inconvenience.  Think about the other people in the exact same boat as you: all taking one of the scariest, bravest, most selfless steps in life.

Third: MAPP classes are a must.  What are these courses?  They are required by every person wanting to get certified to be a foster/adoptive parent.  It is a dual certification that also includes three home visits, background checks and references.  You will become a certified foster home and you will be certified to adopt.  The classes might seem like a long commitment (seven evenings of three hour courses or four Saturday courses of six hour courses), but they are critical in understanding why kids end up in care.  Plus, you'll meet some fabulous people and DCFS staffers in the process.

When Matt and I took part in the MAPP classes this summer, I was thrilled to learn that the classes had record attendance.  I met several people who were there because The New Family Tree features on KPLC opened a conversation in their home that led them to act.  There were also people there hoping to adopt one of the specific children featured.  

But, not everyone followed through.  There was a lot of talk, but even more action was needed.

I'll tell you what my biggest fear is in doing the interview segments featuring children ready to be adopted.  That their hopes are dashed.  That they choke back tears in their interview in order to seem brave to a potential mom or dad, but they have to endure another letdown.

If you are teetering on the idea of pursuing adoption, please consider what's at stake.  A child - bouncing between foster homes and never having a true sense of family.  A pre-teen - lacking a mom or dad to guide them into adulthood.  A teenager - scared about being on his or her own entirely at age 18 without a family base during the holidays and life events.

I am going to once again share the verses at the heart of this issue and pray for more people to follow through and act.

Luke 10:2:  The harvest is great, but the workers are few.  So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields. 

James 1:27:  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

-Britney

Nine-year-old Deniro just wants "a nice parent"

I recently spent a few days at the beach with my in-laws. I have two nephews that are six years old, super active and all boy! They love being outside, playing ball and getting one-one-one attention.

When I met nine-year-old Deniro at Chuck E. Cheese on our interview day, he reminded me so much of my nephews. Even though he is going into the third grade, Deniro is about the same size as my soon-to-be first grade nephews. He is small, but full of personality.

He was wearing a basketball jersey, much like I would expect to see on one of my nephews eager to shoot some hoops with dad. Deniro's reality does not include that part of the equation. He's got the jersey, the ball, the desire to play, but does not have the mom or dad to share in those basic, every day childhood experiences.

Deniro does have fabulous foster parents. The Shaws have taken in 20+ foster children over the past 20 years, even adopting through foster care. At this point in their lives, though, their calling is to temporarily care for a child until he or she is matched with adoptive parents. Deniro has been waiting for several months.

On the day of our interview, Deniro's adoption worker with the Department of Children & Family Services, Katrina Evans, told me that he knew the importance of talking on camera about his desire to be adopted. "It's so important to him," she said, "he talks about it often and recognizes the importance of having a family and I think having that stability and security is just going to go a long way with him."

Deniro definitely has a soft side - something that comes out when you sit down and have a one-on-one conversation with him. "I like to read books and I like to talk to my friends," he said.

When I asked Deniro about his friends, his eyes got teary as he told me about his foster brother that had just been moved the day before to an adoptive placement. While that is great news for the foster brother, Deniro had a heavy heart. "I miss my older brother," he said, "he's kind of like a friend. He's always there for me."

Someone who is still there for Deniro today is his foster father, Wiley Shaw, Jr., training this young man in the polite ways of a gentleman. "He is very respectful. He was taught before he got to me, but we've continued to train him into being a gentleman," he said.

Deniro describes himself as polite and a few other endearing qualities. "I would say I'm kind of funny and I'm kind of handsome," he said.

When I asked Deniro what kind of parents he would like to have, his response was simple: "A nice parent."

Yep. That's it.

Since launching The New Family Tree segment a few months ago, I've had a couple of viewers ask me about whether or not I felt like I was "exploiting the children" by putting them on the news. I know it's tough to see children on TV or a computer screen that are parentless. Yes, they are vulnerable. Yes, it can be uncomfortable for them to open up about how it feels to be living a childhood in limbo. But what is the alternative? Years spent in foster care? A new school every year while moving from one home to another? Callouses growing as another month passes with no hope of things changing?

I appreciate every single child, just like Deniro, who allows me the privilege of sharing his or her story. I would not do this segment if I did not truly believe the end result will be adoption.

These children need their stories to be told. In the words of Maya Angelou, "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." Please be a part of the efforts to do better for these kids. They deserve it.

Deniro is ready to be adopted today through the Department of Children & Family Services. Call 337-491-2470 to make an inquiry about Deniro or any of the other children that can be adopted through foster care.

Check out Deniro's story on KPLC-TV's The New Family Tree.

-Britney

​

An unforgettable four-year-old named Darrell

It's very rare that you see a child under the age of five on the Adopt A Child link on the Department of Children & Family Services website.  It's not that there are not young children available for adoption, it's that the state is trying to focus on the hardest to place children in this select group online.

Typically, only 75 or so profiles are listed for the entire state, although there are close to 400 children ready to be adopted today in Louisiana.

When I saw four-year-old Darrell's profile online, it definitely caught my attention.  I thought, "How is this young cutie 'hard to place?'  Look at that smile!"

Then I read his short bio.  Darrell has several medical conditions.  That's a deal-breaker for many.

I have to admit that I was worried when the adoption supervisor with the Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS) hand-picked Darrell to be featured in The New Family Tree on KPLC.  The segment has been incredibly successful so far in matching children ready to be adopted with families.

The children that we've featured up to this point, though, are healthy, vibrant and well-spoken.

Questions started swirling through my head...What about Darrell?  Will there be a response from people when they learn the extent of his special needs?

When I showed up with my camera to one of Darrell's physical therapy appointments, he was having a rough morning.  He cannot talk, but I could see through his crocodile tears how tough this session was on his fragile body.

Darrell cannot walk without assistance.  His goals on this day were to practice with the help of a therapist and special equipment - walking and riding a tricycle down the hallway.

Most four-year-olds have no problem with these skills, but for Darrell it took all of his strength.

I was so moved by watching him fight to get stronger - and occasionally, his big, bright smile would shine through.

Darrell's adoption worker, Desiree' Bellard, says a forever home could transform his abilities.  "Just a home that would be patient with him, they would have to spend a lot of time with him, give him a lot of attention and most of all - just love," she said.

Darrell has been in foster care for more than half of his life. It is going to take a very special family willing to take on Darrell's special needs to bring him the stability and love to thrive.

DCFS will work with an adoptive family to provide the resources Darrell needs at no cost. "He is getting different therapy sessions for his developmental delays and whatever is out there that we can help provide, we will do that," said Bellard.

Even though Darrell is non-verbal, he can communicate.  He lets you know when he's happy, sad, hurting or excited.  ""He's just fun-loving, he's full of energy, he loves to play, he loves things that are musically inclined," said Bellard.

If you have the capacity to embrace this special child and match his excitement for life, you may be the mom or dad Darrell hopes to be with forever. "Darrell can just give life to a family just like any other child," said Bellard, "he'll just make the family more complete."

Darrell is ready to be adopted through DCFS. 

 His special needs make him a candidate for adoption subsidies to help with expenses. 

Call 337-491-2470 to learn more about the adoption process. 

Click here to check out Darrell's story in The New Family Tree.

-Britney

Critical time to adopt 13-year-old Danielle

Beautiful. Sweet.  Playful.  Girly girl.  Smart.  Driven.  Animal Lover.  Polite.  Ready to be adopted today.

 

13-year-old Danielle has been in foster care for several years.  Fortunately, she is in a loving home with a single mom and foster sister, but it is temporary.

Danielle will turn 14 in September.  That's one year closer to aging out of the foster care system.  This year is a critical year to adopt Danielle.  She needs someone to help her see her dreams come true.  She wants to go to college and become a veterinarian.  She wants to be someone's daughter.  She wants what every child deserves: stability, love and someone that is proud to be her parent.

The clock is ticking for Danielle and she knows it.  When I met her at Club Tabby in Lake Charles for our filming day, she was cautiously guarded about sharing her hope to be adopted.  She knows it might not happen.  It hasn't happened for the years she's been waiting, but she bravely agreed to talk on camera with the dream of the outcome being different this time.

We kicked things off with manicures and pedicures.  Danielle had specially painted her fingernails and toe nails for her TV debut, but was happy to remove it in order to get her first "professional nail painting."

Danielle said if she could do anything for one day, this is exactly what she would do.  

I could slowly feel the heaviness this tiny teen carried begin to lighten.

Next, it was interview time.  On a scale of 1-10, Danielle told me her nerves were at a 7.  She knows this is it.  Her biggest chance for a potential adoptive parent to hear her story.

Danielle took off her glasses.  She tucked her hair behind her ears, sat up straight and her foster mother adjusted her leopard print shirt.  Then the questions came.

Do you know what it means to be adopted?

You stay in that place forever.

If a family said that they were willing to adopt you, would you want to tell them anything?

That I'd be excited to come with you.

Does it matter to you if you if you live in a big city or small town?

No maam.

What about the color of their skin?

No maam.

Does it matter if you're the youngest or oldest kid in the home?

No maam.

Danielle has been with her foster mother, Vickie Moreno, for the past three years.  "She has a lot of love, she has a great personality," she said.  "You wouldn't have to instill a lot into her.  She would be bringing a lot with her."

Both Vickie and Danielle's adoption worker, Katrina Evans with the Department of Children & Family Services, know that if an adoption does not happen soon, this beautiful young lady with so much potential is at a much higher risk of aging out of foster care.  "That means if by the time a child turns 18, a permanent home has not been found for them" said Katrina.  "When they turn 18, it can be a scary time."

 

When I asked Danielle if the thought of getting adopted was exciting or scary, she had this to say. "It's a little of both. Scary because I won't know them and I would be going to a new place, but exciting because I would stay there and have a family."

Danielle says she has been through some tough times, but still shines and wants an adoptive family to know this: "That I'm awesome," she said.

Danielle is legally free to be adopted through the Department of Children & Family Services.  Call 337-491-2470 to make an inquiry.

Click here to see Danielle's story that aired in The New Family Tree on KPLC.

-Britney

Fostering the most fragile children and teens

Foster parents are heroes.

They open their homes to children and youth in desperate situations, love them, nurture them and grow attached to them.  Then the day comes.  These heroes say goodbye to the children that they cared for during the crisis that might have lasted one day, one month, one year...or even more.

Foster parents don't always know how safe or loving the home will be when the child returns.  Biological parents are required to meet certain standards before this reunion happens.  When the parents aren't able to meet the standards or they simply refuse to, these children will end up in the foster-to-adopt scenario that opens them up to a lot of uncertainty, mixed with the hope of a new, stable family.

I've met several foster parents over the past couple of months of working on The New Family Tree.  They love the children that they know are not their own.

One of these special foster moms is a woman named Carolyn Dunning.  She raised her three biological sons, but knew she still had more love to give.

Carolyn worked with special needs children and youth for nearly 20 years.  When she heard about Louisiana Mentor, she knew she found her calling: fostering the most fragile children and teens.  "They have a lot of needs that some people might look over," she said, "and you can help these children if you just give them the time and just working with them to see what they are able to do."

Louisiana Mentor has been around since 2005, offering training for foster parents to care for children and youth with emotional, behavioral and medical challenges.  This empowerment sets the foster child up for success and stability in a caring home.  "I completed 36 hours of training," said Carolyn.  "I learned how to work with them on their behaviors.  You learn about their medications, how to give them their medications."

There are a couple of different programs offered through Louisiana Mentor: therapeutic foster care and medically fragile foster homes.  This program fills the gap with the Department of Children & Family Services, Office of Juvenile Justice and Office for Citizens with Developmental Disabilities.

Foster parents are compensated with a standard foster board payment, as well as a monthly stipend that varies depending on the child's or youth's needs.

Carolyn was placed with two girls, ages 10 and 12 a year and a half ago.

The neglect was so extreme with the younger girl that Carolyn had to start with the basics.  "She didn't know how to tie her shoes, she couldn't open up the door, she couldn't bathe, she couldn't put her clothes on.  It was just a lot of things that were lacking with her."

But through love, stability and consistency, both girls are now thriving.

Mentors may be married or single, men or women - they just need to have the compassion for a person in need and the commitment to make a positive difference.  "Somebody helped us, so we're just turning it right back and helping another child," said Carolyn.

BJ Gallent is a recruiter with Louisiana Mentor and she says there is a big need for more adults to open their homes to these foster kids.  It's about never giving up on a child, no matter how big their needs may seem.

If you want to learn more about Louisiana Mentor or Mentor programs in other states, click here.

To talk to BJ about becoming a mentor, call her at 318-451-7556.

-Britney